I wrote this in college. So much of my time at YU was spent ‘passing’ for straight.

I am beginning to hate the skirt I wear
Because I do not look queer

I look straight
Ready to date
Or not

I look religious
And frum
The rabbi says it doesn’t have to mean anything 
I can be who I am 
No one needs to know I am queer 

But it’s worse than being unknown 
I am wearing a disguise 

These clothes and labels mean so many things
They mean mother
They mean wife
They mean family
They mean eishes chayil

And to make it worse
My university, college, major, classes
They also are not queer

They also say
Scream
Maternal
Normal
On the derech

And those are all things that I don’t think I am
Anymore

I want to look like who I am
And to be who I see in the mirror
rather than this confusing conflict
between what you see and what you get

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